Why The People You Love Are The Ones That Hurt You The Most

Why is it so that the people we love a lot hurt us the most? Is it love that hurts, or the person? Or maybe, neither! It’s simply ‘we’ and ‘our expectations’ that create this fictional bubble around us that makes us believe that our relationship is going to be just as perfect as movies and novels. We can’t even expect a small flaw in our partner, and when something doesn’t go just the way we imagined it to be, we get hurt.

But sometimes, it’s not just about expectations. Sometimes, it’s something way more than that. It’s a chain of faith that we bind our relationship in. Whenever this chain is shaken, it’s hard for us to stabilise it. Below are some of the reasons why we come across such situations where we feel that the person we love the most becomes the reason for us getting hurt.

You make yourself vulnerable

When we fall in love with someone, we unintentionally open our core up to them. We let them know about our strengths, weaknesses and share the best and worst of our life-events with them. This is when we let them enter our comfort zone. Our secrets become a key for them to interfere in our lives, and then, any little action not in favour of us, knowingly or unknowingly taken by our partner makes us hurt. It’s our fault firstly because even after knowing that this vulnerability of ours would become a danger-spot for us, we let ourselves open before someone else.

But well, what can we do?

Giving them too many chances

When we are in love, we tend to become helpless before our partner. We can’t think of letting them go. It’s bad enough that we become vulnerable before our partner, and give them a chance to hurt us. To add to that, love also makes us stupid to forgive and give innumerable second chances to our partner only because we cannot afford to lose them.

We must always remember that if someone dares to do something to hurt you once, they’ll do it again. Giving them too many chances simply means you are giving them the authority to hurt you over and over again.

If you feel that a similar situation is present in your relationship, you need to set yourself free. It might seem really tough to give up on them, but trust us on this, it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.

You expect too much from them

This is one of the most clichéd, yet the most popular reasons for getting hurt by the one you love. As we said earlier, we expect our relationship to be like a fairy-tale where nothing bad can happen. But, life isn’t all hunky-dory, and your partner isn’t some fictional hero. You need to accept the fact that your partner is as human as you, and they are trying to invest as much time and affection into the relationship as you are. So it’s better not to expect anything extraordinary from your partner unless you yourself are going that extra mile for them. We’d say, why expect at all? Love isn’t about expectations. It’s simply about loving UNCONDITIONALLY!

You took a failed chance

A relationship is always a matter of trial and error. It isn’t like we read or watch in movies. It isn’t about the special bond and the happily ever after. Relationships in the present times aren’t at all like that. This is the era of hook-up and break-up. We live in the times where a single picture decides the left or right swipe for our love-life. A blooming romance in such a situation is just a matter of chance. If you are lucky enough, the decision of your partner would prove to be a forever one, or else life would return to the circle of left and right swipes.

So, if this chance that you took wasn’t a good one, you’d end up hurting yourself.

If you didn’t care, nobody could hurt you.

As much self-explanatory this statement is, we all know that we get hurt only because we care about our partner. They mean a lot to us. The actions that they take affect us and our lives. The more we care about somebody, the more we let them know that they are capable of hurting us, the more they take us for granted. So, the next time you think about crying in front of your partner, take a step back. Keep it to yourself. It would hurt you for a while, but this would save you from watching yourself getting hurt by them.


Love makes us blind. We cannot see things that are right before us. Being in love, we come to believe that our partner can never cheat or hurt us. We all know, that’s not true! If we are too lucky, only then we find a soul-mate who stays with us forever. But, we aren’t living in such a dreamy, fairy-tale kind of world. Today, it’s tough to find a partner who loves us unconditionally.

Believing or trusting them with closed eyes automatically opens opportunities for them to betray us. Here again, we end up getting hurt.

They think they don’t deserve you

Sometimes, it’s neither their infidelity nor your bad-luck. It’s simply the inferiority complex that your partner feels that makes him/her leave you. They end up believing that they don’t deserve you or your love, and they slowly walk away from you. They don’t want to hurt you, yet unknowingly end up hurting you the most.


Life is unpredictable, and getting hurt is inevitable. We cannot change the fact that the person we love the most hurts us the most. And that’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt!  

All we can do is give our best (not too much) to our relationship and hope for the best. If you think that not being able to find the right partner is your problem, you can read our article about ‘Dating Tips For Finding The Right Partner’ to get your Mr./Miss Right.

Keep visiting Docartz for articles and tips about dating, relationships, spirituality, health, beauty and more.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *